*hugs BB, WA and anyone else*

I have those thoughts too..

I'm not sure if meaning is what I'm looking for? Idk.. There's so much to learn and realize. There's a state of mind called "Self-Actualization";

Self-actualization - Wikipedia

I just want a good mental state, forever changing enough for me to cope - So I can go through the infinity.

I'm not sure what to do even for myself.. My mom sits and drinks.. My dad is traumatized too - But they both love life..

It is hard for us.. Like we're in a horrifying episode of Black Mirror.

I think my cat will be a soul that I see after I die - I took care of her for over a decade - Since I was a kid. She has been there since the start of my mental illness and was a good companion during one of my good trips.

I have a lot to think about - And I think hard, deeply. I do feel trapped in life in every possible way. I should try and learn gratitude and other positive emotions.

My coworker really bothers me - I don't want to work at this job anymore. I spent 2 hours one night trying to sleep, thinking a way to get out of the uncomfortable situation. I used to lie awake for 2-3 hours and laugh at my thoughts hysterically, having conversations in my head.

I used to have such incredible feelings of content once I started to awaken.

Here's a good quote from someone I was talking to;

"We are dissonance.
The very act of existing is dissonance.

We are both eternal and temporary.
Finite and infinite.

All of happiness in life is based on two things.
If you want to attain it here is the magic formula. The sauce.

Gratitude and perception

Be grateful for all that you have. Treasure everything as of it's the only one of that you'll ever have. Be good to all that is around you. Living and non. Extend mercy to all things great and small and mercy shall extend reach out to you.

I find it's better to just ignore unwanted behaviour

Let us not forget the most prized commodity of all.
Attention

Punishing bad behaviour never leads to good outcome..
Just more bad behavior.

Dont get me wrong
Sometimes an *** whooping is in order
But usually that is not the way to go.

Though if someone attacks you
Absolutely attack back
Gouge his eyes out
Rip out his tongue

Everyone's in a different stage of healing

You can always get more woke
Like going up a ladder

With a manhole type opening
And each level up
Opens and blossoms several fold grander than the one before

And the one before you thought was the greatest.
And then it just gets even greater."