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Originally Posted by eskielover
Sounds like totally dysfunctional relationships to me. They only want to talk to you when it is something THEY want to talk about & you want to communicate.
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I think that's not a bad summary for some of these relationships.... but I feel like they have been/were good at pretending it's more than that (I've learned to see through some of this by now). And what bothers me is that people who do seem nice can pull this off too sometimes, and I do want to understand that too and improve my communication when this issue comes up.
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Originally Posted by divine1966
By therapy I mean therapy for yourself. Not couple. I’d focus on figuring out why is this pattern of having partners and friends who are so dismissive. You can’t fix these people but you could try to understand patterns in your life and.therapist could help
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That makes sense, I've been doing work about this. Not in therapy anymore but I do go to a support group, social worker, read self-help etc.
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As about this boyfriend. If you don’t even know his future plans, I’d put marriage plans on hold. He is in a different country and now apparently not even working and he refuses to share his plans with you. Nothing in it spells planning marriage. Wouldn’t you like a relationship with a man who is clear and direct in his communication and his intentions?
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That's exactly what I want to talk about with the couples counsellor too. I don't feel comfortable trying to bring up all this without a third party to mediate.
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Originally Posted by divine1966
Also if they are a couple with serious plans to be married if think THEY together and not just HE would make plans for the future. It sounds like this guy does whatever suits him and doesn’t even bother share his plans..
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It could be this too, yes. : /
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated
I think it’s a bad sign he’s ignoring you with in person conversations, and that he also deliberately employs the silent technique on others (his landlord). Is he agreeable to couples counselling? Or is that a topic he is dodging too?
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Can you say more on how you mean it's a bad sign? Yes he's been open to the couples counselling.
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Originally Posted by Rive.
It would make sense if it were upsetting, Etcetera1. Kinda like being 'triggered' when other people do it to you. You don't have to cut your best friend off - could you have a frank discussion with 'I feel upset when...' (putting it on you not on them, if that makes sense)
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I did try to have that discussion, it didn't work, but I did realise that friendship was already very bad anyway. I don't talk to her anymore but it still affects me I'm sure.
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Re your question as to what if they ignore you... I don't know if I missed it but it is difficult without knowing (and I am not asking!) the people involved or context. It is different if it is your employer vs. your hairdresser, if that makes sense.
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Yeah it makes sense. I'm thinking, if a person ignores such a message too, that must be really passive aggressive.
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Sorry I missed it: 'unaware' - people are in their own world or self-involved and are not able to consider that their actions (or lack thereof) can have an impact on another. It's just not on their radar due to lack of empathy or consideration for another.
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Yeah, my bf can be like this sometimes.