Sorry I'm a little late to this thread.
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Originally Posted by Etcetera1
OK I have a question about mindfulness. Where you put in a bit of distance and are an observer and you are supposed to just let the undesirable feelings, emotions, emotional thoughts pass.
So, if I try to just let the emotions pass instead of trying to shut them down, dismiss them, or actively push them away, especially when they have already became too strong - then what exactly should I do?
Do I just observe from a large distance, or do I actively try to tune into the emotional state actively? Do I try to maintain and feel the emotional state as long as I can until I'm drained of its energy?
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When you're observing (also called "witnessing"), the idea is to
just observe. Observe yourself doing (and not doing) exactly whatever you'd be doing (and not doing) anyway, if you weren't observing.
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Also please note that the thing about letting the emotions "pass" is unclear to me because I do not experience my emotions as waves. They are either "on" or "off". "On" while I try to pay attention and while I'm able to have emotional energy. "Off" otherwise. No waves. Does that matter for mindfulness?
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That you do or don't experience emotions as waves is already an observation.
When you see that an emotion (or a thought, or anything else) is present, notice that it's present and exactly what you're aware of about it. When you call it "on", notice that you're having a thought called "it's on." When you see that an emotion (or whatever) isn't present, notice that you're having a thought called, maybe, "That's funny, it was there a minute ago!" (or yesterday, or last week)
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One last question. The emotional thoughts linked with these undesirable emotions, feelings, if the thoughts themselves are so intense and negative that you find it hard to just observe and accept them, what do you do? Can there be a way for you to just see them as just your feelings, you feeling these feelings, emotions and thoughts, rather than them being about you or about anyone else or any situation?
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You might go, "Right now I'm feeling such-and such emotion; and I'm having a thought called 'I shouldn't be feeling such-and-such emotion', and another thought called 'It's my job to make it stop!', and another thought called 'What kind of person would allow themselves to feel an emotion like that?', and another thought called 'This is way, way too intense for me', and another called 'I'm trying to stop but it's not working'..."
<--- Notice that, too, if and when it happens to come up for you -- and then notice what else, and what else, and what else...
And eventually you'd notice that you kept on going whatever way you were going until you noticed yourself going some other way instead. And feeling whatever way you were feeling until you noticed yourself feeling some other way instead (or maybe in addition).
By the way, the point of observing what you're feeling, thinking, etc, is not to make those feelings and thoughts go away or to change them in any way. It's to simply notice them, acknowledge them, and let them be exactly the way they are, for exactly as long as they are -- and then to see what comes next. If you find yourself "trying to maintain and feel the emotional state as long as you can", you might observe that you're having thoughts called "I'm trying to maintain and feel such-and-such emotional state..." and "I'm supposed to eventually feel drained of its energy." How you'll eventually feel, you'll find out only by noticing how you do feel at the time.