Yet, our "oversharing" response is an anxiety response we learned as a result of familial trauma that we experienced growing up.

For some reason, these people who judge us - have the same flaws that we do - and they have no problem taking advantage of this trait that people like us have, by exploiting it. By that I mean, they throw it back in our face as an observed weakness. "You're just too sensitive," to "you're overreacting." Well...YES and that's because we were forced to walk on eggshells around emotionally volatile parents who didn't teach us how to regulate our emotional responses to different interpersonal situations. We were left to 'fend for ourselves in how we emotionally regulate.

I'm the same way that you are - I wear my heart on my sleeve. That seems to draw out the emotional vampires; they can smell my vulnerability a mile away and suck the life out of me as soon as I connect with them as a friend or acquaintance.

To find normal, healthy people who have normal boundaries has been an elusive experience for me my entire life. Obviously, it's reflection of my boundary-issues with people. I meet people and try to practice what I learned during my time in DBT and CBT therapy, only to be disappointed that I attract and practice on extremely emotionally volatile, manipulative, divisive people who normal, healthy boundaries backfires on.

I have a ton of acquaintances but no true friends for this reason. And it irks me to no end. We all deserve to be accepted for our true selves. Yet, we aren't. The healthy people are FORCED to go to therapy to deal with the unhealthy people who never go to therapy. It's a dichotomy that I'll never understand.

I do it for that same reason - yet each time, the person I disclose personal information to later exploits me for it and tries to manipulate me into changing to suit their needs. It perpetuates a cycle of push-pull with very unhealthy mental people and I'm tired of that pattern. I need to fix this dynamic about myself. And yet, years of therapy hasn't. So, why is that?!

Yes, her ADD comment caught me off guard. But you'd think by my middle-age, I'd be more prepared with cement-thick boundary walls and have an auto-response to shut down such examples of personal projection. Yet...like a batter over homeplate, I struck out and left the baseball field feeling lousy for letting this older woman trigger me, manipulate me and then shame me ("if you don't change then"...).

I knew if I called her out for projecting (she's a mother, so I get it, she was projecting her own maternal role on to me), it would cause conflict.

I have to learn not to freeze like I do in conversations where I get surprised. It doesn't matter how many books, articles, blogs, or forums post I read. I still won't put up protective boundaries. And, I don't want to be a victim and I don't see myself as a victim. I just don't understand why I continue to repeat this dysfunctional response when confronted with other people's projections in order to manipulate or shame me for their benefit.

Any insight why that is? Why wouldn't I want to change? I have asked myself this question over the years. I'm familiar and used to the freeze-self-deprecate-for-self-preservation response where as you pointed out, a 'snowball effect' to keep things cool rather than cause a possible 'fracas.' Yet, I sacrifice my own dignity to keep the peace. The woman didn't respect me to begin with, did she, if she's projecting her opinion and life experiences on to me knowingly (or subconsciously, I have no idea). Or, if she did respect me, I allowed her to shame me because that's less scary and more familiar than me asserting my boundaries with everyone no matter what, consistently?