One thing you seem to have started realizing (as I read through this thread), is that your husband is also struggling right now and you both sort of cornered each other at the same time the other night, and both of you were triggered and came out fighting.

My husband and I always had the hardest time when BOTH of us were struggling personally. It's like the flight attendant instructions about securing your own mask first before your try to help the other person. The problem in a marriage is that if you are struggling AND trying to help the other person at the same time, your personal resources just sometimes reach a breaking point. When you are BOTH struggling, it can get complicated, but it is important that you validate that BOTH of you can struggle at the same time and that doesn't invalidate either of your struggles. That's hard to do, but absolutely vital if you are going to make it.

When you said to your husband that he never wants to talk, that triggered him because (my guess) he's probably been keeping things to himself in order to support you. He came back making a comment about your mental health issues. He's not wrong; this isn't "normal." But of course he could have/should have said he was feeling overwhelmed because he doesn't understand what is happening with your or how to help, but he's reached that breaking point. And we all tend to say things badly when we break. It's important to own our own missteps in such complicated dynamics.

It took time (and the help of our therapist) to learn how to speak in "I" statements instead of in accusations, to simply speak about our own feelings and thoughts without trying to attribute the other person with what we think are their thoughts and feelings, to be willing to actively listen to each other (with our mouths shut) even when perhaps what the other person is going through is hard to hear because it hits too close to home. Being willing and able to not take things personally when we hear what the other is saying is about their fears and anxieties -- even if it feels like an accusation (so often that wasn't the intent even if they clumsily spoke and it came off that way).

In learning to truly listen and validate and give each other the space we might need to work things out in our own heads (instead of on each other's personal timeline), our marriage became SO much calmer and safer and comfortable.

Getting to that place takes time. It also takes an agreement to truly speak without accusation, listen without defending ourselves right away (give it time), willingly give each other space if space is requested to just have some time to sort things out so long as you also agree to talk when you are both calm and your thoughts are more gathered.