Sorry feel like I'm taking over a bit here now but some more thoughts
Few thoughts on this
Quote:
I did say today with the check-in texts that it seemed like he just expected me to psychically know when they became too much for him. How it was particularly difficult for me because it was something I had even checked in about. That's been an issue in my outside life, too, if I check in with, say, a friend or my H on whether something is OK, they say it's fine, and then at some random time they suddenly decide it's not fine, and I had no way of knowing that. It's harder for me because I did try to make sure it was OK.
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I have this issue too. When you go out of your way not to do something i.e actively try not to annoy someone or overstep a boundary and then 'bam't they say that you have or did it can be incredibly painful. Far more so than someone who wasn't thinking too much about it in the first place I imagine.
For me I think it's more than just an inability to take criticism or be told something you did is or was annoying. When I was a child these were literally what saved me and kept me safe. My ability to read situations, people, keep under the radar, not annoy people. It became who I was I guess someone I at some point ended up being tied to my self worth as a person. There is also a lot of fear attached to it as that is why it was created in the first place. For someone to come along then and give 'feedback' to you about 'you' like that as if they are correcting your spelling mistakes and not understand then why you are reacting how you are reacting is just plain missing the mark here. Some of the things he says do sound very shaming even if he is not directly meaning to do that. Reading your posts it;s like he is often implying there is something 'wrong' with you.