Here's the deal.. I'm stuck! I don't do anything. I don't study, I don't go to work, I just AM.
That's of course mostly good, i don't think i could study or work, even the thought of going back in that world...
Problem with it is that i don't have any income, except naturally what the social insurance institute gives me to support rent (about 50%). So, my dad pays for everything. I could not feel more guilty about it

I COULD get social security and sickness benefit if I JUST WENT TO THE FRICKIN DOCTOR!!! then dad wouldn't have to have me as a parasite... When i moved in this apartment (which is much better than a person this age and especially in this situation SHOULD have), he said that this of course can't go on forever (like i didn't know that)
the doctor thing is just... i think i might rather just live in a box on the street
well anyway, time keeps racing forwards making me feel more and more guilty for remaining still. I don't think weeks have ever gone by faster than now, feels like "the edge" was coming closer and closer, cuz this CAN'T go on forever...