I am having trouble with my spouse which is similar to your own. Mine has been 7 months. We unofficially were separated and unofficially have gotten back together so we are never far from "full conflict."

I would say trying to be under affected by your spouse is what you should strive for. If you have separated and are back together you need to maybe consider it like a transplanted organ. Rejection rate is probably very high in the times after a transplant. You haven't transplanted your spouse with a different person but the process seems to be about the same.

I don't have anything else to offer you but luck!