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Originally Posted by East17
Logically know you are right about this. But I think I'm scared that I already had that "worth their weight in gold" T in my life (the one who died earlier this year) and that no one else is going to match up to her. I think it's why I keep giving this one more chances than maybe I would otherwise, because I don't feel I'm being fair in comparing her to ex-T.
I'm not saying ex-T was perfect, far from it, and she definitely pushed me in ways I didn't like or appreciate at the time. But I did recognise that she was 100% committed, passionate about her job and genuinely invested in doing her best for me.
I just miss her so much, and the strange therapy relationship being what it is, I can't talk about her with anyone else who knew her. I don't feel comfortable talking about her to current T, although she said it's ok, but it just feels too weird. I was going to speak to someone else just about the bereavement stuff but after having waited 3 weeks for the appointment, they had to cancel at the last minute due to illness.
I feel if I can't get all the complicated mixed up things out of my head about ex-T, I'll never be able to move on with someone else.
That sounds too weird even to me.
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This all sounds so difficult, I'm sorry.
Is there a specific reason why you feel you can't talk about her with your T? Is it that she knew her? I ask because I went to my current T to consult about my transference for my marriage counselor, as my individual T at the time wasn't helping. After I'd already set up the appointment, I learned that he used to work in the same practice as the marriage counselor. I was going to keep him anonymous, but realized certain details (his wife dying, in particular) could make him realize who I was talking about. So I just told him and asked if he felt he'd be OK with my talking about him, if he felt he could be objective. And he said yes.
I now feel I've pretty much put ex-MC behind me. But I needed to talk about him quite a bit in therapy in order to do so, to process what had happened. So I think it's worth attempting to do that with your current T or to keep looking for someone else who can help you with that.