Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
This all sounds so difficult, I'm sorry.
Is there a specific reason why you feel you can't talk about her with your T? Is it that she knew her? I ask because I went to my current T to consult about my transference for my marriage counselor, as my individual T at the time wasn't helping. After I'd already set up the appointment, I learned that he used to work in the same practice as the marriage counselor. I was going to keep him anonymous, but realized certain details (his wife dying, in particular) could make him realize who I was talking about. So I just told him and asked if he felt he'd be OK with my talking about him, if he felt he could be objective. And he said yes.
I now feel I've pretty much put ex-MC behind me. But I needed to talk about him quite a bit in therapy in order to do so, to process what had happened. So I think it's worth attempting to do that with your current T or to keep looking for someone else who can help you with that.
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No current T didn't know ex-T. I think it feels too weird because talking about that relationship and how connected I felt, it's like I'm telling current T that she isn't good enough. She might be if I can persevere with her enough to give her that chance.
It may have been a mistake going straight into another therapy relationship so soon after ex-T stopping work, but because the ending with her was quite traumatic and we didn't have a proper closure session, I just had a meltdown and needed support.
I thought I could combine the bereavement issue with the other issues and process it all with this T, but because I'm finding that difficult I decided to look for specific bereavement support elsewhere. However the two organisations I approached have a strict rule about having been out of therapy for two months before beginning work with them. My current T said she is willing to do the bereavement stuff with me, but if I wanted to go elsewhere we would have to stop working together whilst I was doing that other work.
It's ironic that I work in that field, but can't get bereavement support unless I stop therapy.
If ex-T had died before I sought out another therapist, I could have dealt with the bereavement stuff first and then moved on to the rest of it; but because she just stopped working and I was abruptly left without support, I felt the need to find another T quickly. Once I'd done that we started getting to know each other and processing other things. Then ex-T died. I didn't expect to be so badly affected by it as we'd already stopped working together 5 months previously. Perhaps this would be a good thing to explain, to have a conversation about with current T.
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