"He did say on Friday, too, that he appreciated that I wasn't trying to do anything to try to change his mind (like offer to test before session, wear a mask, etc.). So maybe there is some level of acceptance for me here? I can accept something while still being upset about it, right?"

LT, the quote you wrote to me above is called a dialectic. It means when two opposite things are both true at the same time. This is DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). I know I come back to this a lot and I will try to stop and hold my tongue going forward but it is so painful for me to read all of these posts because DBT could help you with all of this. EX: Your desire to recognize and feel your emotions, express your emotions in a healthy way, skills to deal with your emotions, the ability to express anger or frustration to someone in a way that you will be heard and is beneficial to both parties, skills to learn to accept the things you cannot change.

I know you said earlier that you did not have time to do DBT until fall because of your daughter. With the amount of time you spend with your current T you could still see him one time a week and attend DBT classes and that is assuming it is an every week class. Mine was 2 hours every 2 weeks which would be even less. I promise I will get off the bandwagon now but I do hope you find something or someone that can really help you live an easier life. It seems like you just keep reliving the same thing over and over again which usually involves your response to something T said that you don't want to hear. You have very specific responses you want to hear in your head as observed by many of your posts and no one can be expected to be a mind reader and should not be expected to be in order to respond using your planned response. The only way things improve now is when you push and pull to get him to say what you want him to, if not the rupture continues. I exact words are very important to you and the reassurance of hearing that you are right in the way you feel is a constant craving but no one is right all of the time. There is nothing wrong with anyone's feelings ever, those are individual and they are only feelings not facts. When your T is expressing annoyance with you, it is his feeling of annoyance; it is not fact. Could it be a feeling that many people may share regarding a certain situation? Maybe, but again that is each person's "feeling" of annoyance. That doesn't mean we should go around purposely annoying people of course. Does he not tell you every time he feels that way? Sure, probably. If I told my coworkers or friends every time they annoyed me, I'm sure I would be fired and have no friends. But that is part of life, we have to decide when it is worth it to put up with some annoyances and when to pull the plug on the relationship. If someone is annoyed with me I may not know it until they say something and yes, it is painful and embarrassing when someone points out their frustration with me. The good thing is that it means I have a chance to change if I want to keep the relationship. They are giving me the gift (hint) that they value the relationship as well and want to try to make it work. Otherwise, they would just walk away.

None of this is easy. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional household. I had no idea how to act as a normal person in society and still don't many times. I tried to learn how real people act by watching TV shows which as we know are not normal either but that is all I had as an only child. What I am trying to say is I understand. You can put as much work into it as you want but if you don't have the right teacher, you are just spinning your wheels going nowhere. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I am still a work in progress, it is hard for me to add fluff to my words.