Still terrified. Asked the group facilitator to please not sit in the chair next to me and she obliged but she has the tendency to walk around the room and I was freaked tf out. Everyone is a ****ing suspect. I have no idea how I’m going to make it through my shift tomorrow.

I lied to the clinician and said I was med compliant but I left out all the extra seroquel. I think I took 75 more at bedtime but it might have been 100 and I definitely did take Xanax. And propranolol. I don’t want to die I’m just so ****ing uncomfortable. I’m sick to my stomach and my head is killing me. I just. Want. Some. Haldol. And I don’t want to go IP to get it bc who knows how long I’ll be trapped. You can’t trust it there anyway.

I want to call the clinician back and ask to be put on the dr’s schedule on Monday. But I’m too scared. I’m afraid she’ll call the cops, they people like me. She wanted me to check in but I ran tf out of there before she could find me so she couldn’t keep me.

RS is scared that’s where I’m going, I cannot go, I will not go.

I’m trying to use my skills but I haven’t found one that has worked yet. I have a whole bunch written in my little notebook but they are not working because this is NOT PLAIN ANXIETY. This is ****ing terror.

My head hurts so bad.