You could have depression, it is the right time of year for that kind of thing. Are you in therapy at all?

If you feel like you *should* exercise (instead of *wanting* to exercise), maybe that's an indicator that...you don't want to / don't see value in it, and you shouldn't have to force yourself. The stuff you said afterwards about bmi, and not needing 6 pack to feel worthy, I agree with you and also leads me to think that the gym just isn't your thing.

Exercise can be a way to improve mood, not just lose weight. I know you said the type of activity you're into feels too expensive and like too much effort. Maybe there's something else out there you could try like hiking, snowshoeing, taking walks, swimming, a sport, dance.

I can relate to your job disappointment / discouragement. It's taken me a long time to figure out what route I want to go on. And it's not a perfect route! There's many paths you can take ranging from practical to more risky and sparse type jobs. I agree, it's important to have meaning and happiness in our lives at work.

Have you ever taken a career test? Those can give ideas on what you'd like to do, what environment would work for you, etc. Also you could try brainstorming yourself where you'd like to end up, career wise. Make a list of jobs that sound interesting. And Google is your friend (or duck duck go, whatever search you prefer). You could look up something like "creative jobs for introverts" or something of that nature. Once you have at an idea, or want to learn more about a job, ask about shadowing someone in that field.

Also in the meantime, what do you like about your job? And you don't have to be there forever if you don't want to be. Maybe do things you enjoy and that improve your mood before and after work, too.