In a Rut

There are so many things I should do but don’t, simply because I don’t feel like it. I really should work out, but i have no motivation; I don’t need a six-pack to feel like I’m worthy, I don’t particularly want to make friends with health-obsessed bimbos, the bmi is an absurd metric that was never intended to be used in the way it is … Yes I could use the goal of improving my health, but that’s a very vague goal. I want to go up into the mountains more, but going up and doing what I want to do costs money— shuttle rides/gas, ski passes, lift tickets, equipment, pet sitter, time off… I’m tired of my job, but what the **** would I do instead? Pharmacy was never my heart’s desire… It was job security and it paid the bills after i was abruptly dumped from the job i always wanted to do. But now I’m bored with it. I don’t feel fulfilled. All these are issues that are swirling through my head right now. And everything I’ve said is probably an excuse disguised as an explanation. I’ll buy that. But what is my problem? And more importantly, what is the solution? It’s probably something only I can figure out. I hate those. lol

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You could have depression, it is the right time of year for that kind of thing. Are you in therapy at all?

If you feel like you *should* exercise (instead of *wanting* to exercise), maybe that's an indicator that...you don't want to / don't see value in it, and you shouldn't have to force yourself. The stuff you said afterwards about bmi, and not needing 6 pack to feel worthy, I agree with you and also leads me to think that the gym just isn't your thing.

Exercise can be a way to improve mood, not just lose weight. I know you said the type of activity you're into feels too expensive and like too much effort. Maybe there's something else out there you could try like hiking, snowshoeing, taking walks, swimming, a sport, dance.

I can relate to your job disappointment / discouragement. It's taken me a long time to figure out what route I want to go on. And it's not a perfect route! There's many paths you can take ranging from practical to more risky and sparse type jobs. I agree, it's important to have meaning and happiness in our lives at work.

Have you ever taken a career test? Those can give ideas on what you'd like to do, what environment would work for you, etc. Also you could try brainstorming yourself where you'd like to end up, career wise. Make a list of jobs that sound interesting. And Google is your friend (or duck duck go, whatever search you prefer). You could look up something like "creative jobs for introverts" or something of that nature. Once you have at an idea, or want to learn more about a job, ask about shadowing someone in that field.

Also in the meantime, what do you like about your job? And you don't have to be there forever if you don't want to be. Maybe do things you enjoy and that improve your mood before and after work, too.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m depressed… it’s possible, although personally, I love winter, snow, and darkness, so I don’t know. I am not in therapy because frankly, it wasn’t terribly helpful. I think this was me, not the therapist— it just became a means of venting as opposed to actually getting things done. You may be right that the gym isn’t my thing. It’s just that it’s so convenient. I love hiking and snowshoeing, it’s just been difficult finding groups that do it on days that I’m available. I don’t trust my sense of direction enough to go by myself lol. I was considering going ice skating sometime this week, since I enjoy that too. I took a career test a long time ago… i would be willing to take one again. And you’re right that i do love certain aspects of my job— I love feeling like I’m helping people live healthier lives, and my coworkers are a-mazing. I’ve decided that the next time I change jobs, I will be changing fields; in other words, I will be changing to something I truly love doing. For keeps.

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I have been feeling like that for a while. We went through a lot in this country with the violent protests of 2019, followed by the pandemic with some of the strictest lockdowns in the world. This country is also falling apart in the last year and it is horrible to watch. It makes me feel like why should I even bother?


It feels like I can't get back to doing pre-pandemic things and I have little motivation. For example, I have a huge list of things to do around the house and a financial issue to resolve, but I keep putting them off. I need to exercise more too. I have also been bored with work lately.


I am working on trying baby steps. Dealing with everything is too much. This past weekend, I told myself I would spend half an hour doing yard work and after that I could stop. I ended up doing almost an hour. I think getting started is the worst part. So, maybe you can set a goal of 15 minutes of exercise. Then, once you start, maybe you can make it to 20 instead of 15? But, if you just do 15, don't beat yourself up over it either.

What if you try to get back to what you always wanted to do, or to a version of that?

I can’t go back. That path is dead to me. I wish I could explain in greater detail, but there’s no point. I can’t go back.

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I'm really sorry about not being able to go back.

Maybe this would be a good time for another career test?

Took one of the free ones online yesterday— it didn’t tell me a thing i didn’t already know. I’m an INTJ; knew that already. The fields it suggested for me all require a masters or a PhD. Screw that.

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