It's not that she makes things up, I think it's her having a PTSD reaction to something that those without PTSD would not. I have read that those with PTSD can perceive almost anything as a danger or threat. I believe her 100 percent that she struggles with lots of stuff from her childhood but there are times where her perception does not make any sense. I have been trying for years to support her through her therapy and healing as she had blocked out much of her childhood and through therapy has been remembering more and more of it. Her struggle is real but so is mine trying to be supportive of her in a challenging situation getting almost no warmth back in return.

As for her drinking yeah she has always had a drink after work each night but they are doubles nowadays sometimes 2 of them, rum or vodka . Friday and Saturday nights perhaps 3 . She never drinks while working . I do feel that she is self medicating with the drinking of late.

I have been listening to some stuff on codependency and I wonder if after so long together I may be .

You are right the depression is very difficult to handle at times as she is the one I want to grow old and grey with and be 2 old farts sitting on the porch some day. Helping each other thru our silver/golden years and enjoying life and each other not sad and lonely . I have been in love with her for 3 decades and that's never changed . She was just as in love with me but in the last year or so she has changed.

I feel like I need to fix this because at the moment she is saying she will not make up her mind until the spring and wishes to see how I can hear her and work with her, how if I can show her what she needs then she most likely will not want the divorce.

This slim hope is what has been keeping me trying. Perhaps I am a fool for that but I love her so very much that I feel I owe it to myself to try.