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Thank you all for helping me get that issue of guilt and shame a little clearer in my head. Yes , I'm guilty of not being a perfect human being but I believe I've paid the price , many times over.
Why do I have to keep beating myself up over the same stuff over and over. Actually I think I know why. My SO keeps bringing up **** that happened 30 years ago. She's one of those people that never did anything wrong. She is perfect and I am the villain . If I started over new with someone they would see me as a kind , good person. And I am. It's just that I'm with someone who just won't let some stuff go ! God . I wish she would go to therapy but she won't because she knows she'll be exposed.
As far as my mom. I was about 7 years old when I saw him smack her around. I swore then to myself that when I got bigger I would do the same to him. Well I've been bigger for a long time now and I just can't get myself to keep that promise. Therefore I feel ashamed of myself.
Thank you all again.....
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Trying to Live in the Moment
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