What's the difference between shame and guilt.......

My big problem, thought wise , is feelings of guilt. Even for things I haven't even done or should feel any responsibility for.
I remember my mother basically apologized for breathing.
My father was a scumbag who cheated and hit her. She died young and I've always felt I should have died with her.
I've had survivors guilt for the last 30 years. I don't deserve to be happy. I can feel for people who are accused wrongfully for doing something they didn't do.

Survivors guilt can be tough and even brutal. I wish I knew how to help you. My grandfather ended his life when I was a teenager and I have always felt guilt about that, although that is not the same as survivors guilt. Hopefully other members here with more similar experiences to yours will see your post and respond compassionately and helpfully. Guilt of all kinds is a heavy, heavy burden to carry and my heart goes out to you!

You do deserve to be happy. You and your mother were victims and i'm sure she would want you to be happy. Survivors guilt is not uncommon but it can be overcame. There is hope. I'm sorry for your loss. I can kind of relate as my father didn't treat my mother well growing up and it was hard to see.

Guilt is an awareness of having done something wrong. Shame is a painful feeling about how we appear to others, without having done anything wrong.

You weren't responsible for your Mother's death, nor for your Father's actions towards her. You might feel guilty that you are alive when she isn't, but you were a child, dealing with circumstances beyond your control.
It wasn't your fault.

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Yes, my general understanding is that 'guilt' is the sense that you've done something wrong, but 'shame' is the sense that you yourself are 'wrong' as a human being or unworthy or less-than etc., which can be very emotionally upsetting.🙏

Thank you all for helping me get that issue of guilt and shame a little clearer in my head. Yes , I'm guilty of not being a perfect human being but I believe I've paid the price , many times over.
Why do I have to keep beating myself up over the same stuff over and over. Actually I think I know why. My SO keeps bringing up **** that happened 30 years ago. She's one of those people that never did anything wrong. She is perfect and I am the villain . If I started over new with someone they would see me as a kind , good person. And I am. It's just that I'm with someone who just won't let some stuff go ! God . I wish she would go to therapy but she won't because she knows she'll be exposed.
As far as my mom. I was about 7 years old when I saw him smack her around. I swore then to myself that when I got bigger I would do the same to him. Well I've been bigger for a long time now and I just can't get myself to keep that promise. Therefore I feel ashamed of myself.
Thank you all again.....