I currently see a Psychiatrist but he doesn't know I struggle with this. When I first started seeing him I lied and said I didn't think about it. I was worried he would call the cops & have me forcibly committed. (Wouldn't be the 1st time that happened to me) I've tried therapy but that doesn't help. Once again I won't talk about my feelings of suicide. Some days are better than others but the thought is always there. I just don't know what to do. I can easily lose my job over this. One of the qualifications of my job is to not suffer with depression. That's a 6 month lose of qualification, suicide is a 12 month lose. Think of it like this. You drive for a living & a qualification is to hold a driver's license. If you lose your license then you can no longer work.

I don't know what to do. I am so tired of feeling like this. I know I'm never going to follow through because I had a chance to once and chickened out. So I'm too much of a coward to follow through.