L and I had our first safety support call this morning. It was a really bad night last night. It was a good and helpful call. She helped me figure out a lot of things including processing what happened and how to make it through it all today. And the phone call felt wrong, too. I don't feel like I should be depending on her. I was able to do my own safety while she was gone. I just feel like I shouldn't have reached out. Once again I'm confused over her.