((((Dolphfan))))
I am so sorry your are going through such a hard time. It sounds like you're at your wits end...
It's a matter of finding solutions to your problems... identifying each problem first, then putting a plan in place.
You need someone to help you through the process. Do you have a psychologist? Therapist and social worker?
Also there are online Zoom meetings for bipolar, here:
DBSA - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
You may also want to check out HeyPeers.com for additional support and resources...
Also, CoDA.org might be worth looking into...