That's the thing, I just want to be left alone with my madness. I was trying so hard to get better before I lost reality that I have to pretend to care because they'll be concerned. I don't want to tell her I don't want help because what if that changes and she's no longer available. What if she decided I need a hloc, can I refuse? She's going to see it as me being that much sicker. I have to keep up appearances . I don't want to mention sh because with psychosis for me it can lead to an accidental attempt. I was already told no new tattoo either. I won't lie but I need to act okay. I can't tell anyone.