Hi darjeeling, glad you found these forums.
Rive is right, through the desire of validation by others we give them all the power, the power to lift us up and the power to squash us.
It’s best we don’t give others this power and reclaim it for ourselves.
We also have the power to squash ourselves though, and the road to finding love for ourselves can take time and patience, and all the gentle and wonderful things that now you seek from others, you could begin to provide for yourself.
You could ask yourself “what do I want from these men?” And then you can give that to yourself, it takes time and persistence and I hope your heart will open up and that your mind quiets down.
Be gentle with yourself, if your mind tells you that you are no good, follow up with an “I am good”, you don’t have to believe it at first but the negative needs a counter, if left uncontested then the negative narratives win.

These are things you’ve probably discussed in therapy so I apologize if it’s repetitive.
We are here to support you through your journey