Yeah, I am. They haven’t put the increased dose of topamax in my blister pack yet (which my doc somehow thinks will make me eat more by calming me down and chilling out migraines & nausea more).

But I’m actually kind of scared to get off the Adderall. It suppresses my appetite, yeah, but it also suppresses my rage and desires to self harm (and harm others when those pop up), and just overall helps me sit and not be an emotionally dysregulated ****storm more than anything else has.

The ONLY time I have raised my voice at someone since starting it wasn’t even at someone, it was when I was in the ER waiting room at a 9/10 pain level and my heat pack got cold and I started getting loudly upset about it and swore a little. Not even a lot by my standards.

I don’t want to go back to being afraid to go outside on “loud” days because if I don’t do a perfect job controlling myself at the wrong time I can get arrested or shipped to the hospital again for practically no real reason.