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Apr 24, 2025, 10:17 AM
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Member Since: Aug 2013
Posts: 904
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Guidepost #1 is on the Measly Steps a Day thread.
Guidepost 2: Cultivating Self-Compassion and Letting Go of Perfectionism
If you can’t give compassion to yourself, you won’t be able to give it to others.
Self-compassion has three main elements (as identified by Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in the field.)
First, it’s self-kindness. This means being as nice to yourself as you would be to others.
Second, it’s recognizing our common humanity. No matter what you’re going through in life, you aren’t alone.
Third, it’s practicing mindfulness by allowing ourselves to actually feel what we’re feeling.
When you embrace these three practices, you’ll find yourself showing up as a higher version of yourself, even when you make mistakes.
Perfectionism, on the other hand, does the opposite. It encourages you to be mean to yourself, disconnect you from others, and resist feeling what you’re actually feeling. It ignores the constraints of reality and drags you down with it.
Start Practicing Guidepost 2:
Be kind to yourself. Know you’re human like everyone else. And accept what you’re feeling without judgment.
Pay attention to when your perfectionist tendencies kick in. Choose instead to be an optimalist. This means maintaining sincere effort on the things you can control while embracing the constraints of reality. If it’s out of your control, it’s not worth your energy. [And the wisdom to know the difference.]
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This guidepost is a constant challenge. Oh, how did I rail against myself when I lost my hats! Or miss place something. These often happen close to when I'm feeling great, I'm flowing with my tasks, I'm sensing a long horizon of happy feelings. Hm.
One of my remedies to overhappy is pick a chore, now do it. Still too happy, get to another chore.
So for today, I think I'll hold to my set expectations to note up a chapter in a book I'm reviewing. There's a feeling I could do 2, and be done with this phase. Resisting that. As Steinbeck says, sensing the end means holding to the same steady pace that has brought him that close. Wise.
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