Just found this thread so apologies for inserting a reply almost a year after the original post. I'm a new member and even newer to the OCD forum, but I have some experience with what you described as "what if X happened and I'm a terrible person." One thing that might help counteract the power of these "what ifs" is giving equal weight to the opposite possibility: "what if it didn't happen, what if this is just an obsessive thought that will not last forever, what if it will go away soon..." I think overall the challenge is to let go of the ruminative pull of obsessional thinking, but perhaps there are ways we can actively loosen its power in the moment. PS I was about to end this with "Just a thought" but of course I know how powerful thoughts are.