((((((((((((((((((((( chloey ))))))))))))))))))))))))
It sounds like you have a lot of self-awareness and honesty - that is such a good first step.
Do you have a therapist? Or if you are in school, is there a counselor at school you can talk to?
My T just told me yesterday that being aware of why we do something is an important step, but it is only the first step.
I definitely don't think you will always be like this! I do think some support from a T or a counselor would be really helpful.