Whenever I try to post about this, I feel like my experience doesn't count. I feel ashamed to have issues with it. I wasn't a child, I wasn't raped, so I don't feel like it counts.

When I was 15 or 16, I had my breasts and pubic area touched forcefully by a boy on a church field trip, while we were on a bus going across the country. I was too scared to do anything but tell him no. No one noticed, even though my mother was sitting right beside me. I was afraid if I was too loud, someone would know. He'd touched my breasts over my shirt before earlier that summer even though I told him not to. He would rub them and I would be so paralyzed by fear I couldn't move. I felt embarassed about having large breasts, I still do. He touched my butt over my skirt on one occaison as well...all of these incidents happened during church activities.

I still see him every sunday at church, and he makes me skin crawl. No one close to me knows. I feel...confused about what happened. I feel ashamed and embarassed. I feel very sexually changed since then. Sometimes I have weird fantasies where he touches me and I want it, than they're over and I want to throw up. I don't know why I would ever have fantasies about someone who disgusts me.

I feel like I'm making too big of a deal about a minor incident. I'm so embarassed I'm posting this.