Lauren, I'm of a split mind here. I can see how it was upsetting to have your session interrupted with T's personal business. I can see how you were in the middle of a really important revelation and your T didn't honor that by refusing the incoming call. I can see all of that! But.... I have been in this same situation a number of times, and I did not get angry or upset. My T does occasionally take a call during my session, and will forewarn me about it, just as yours did. So I am prepared when the call comes, and he is always very brief and lets me hear his half of it, never leaves the room. As soon as he hangs up, he always returns immediately to what we were talking about, "you were saying that such and such...." With that sentence, he lets me know he has kept our conversation in the forefront of his mind. That makes me feel really valued. In my (defunct) marriage, my H talked very little to me and when we were talking, if he got called away or there was an interruption, no matter how brief or insignificant, he never ever returned to our conversation to pick up where we left off. The conversation was over. This behavior made me feel very unvalued and not cared about. (Sure, many times I would remind him what we were talking about, but that gets old after 20 years, to never have the other person want to resume talking with you.) Anyway, my reaction to my T's returning immediately to our conversation and picking up without losing a beat is always one of feeling very valued and cared for. It gives me a warm feeling. Yet in response to pretty much the same thing you felt upset and angry, perhaps because of how your father treated you. I also feel that maybe my T wouldn't feel comfortable taking a call with all his clients. That he can ask me to allow him to take a call shows that we are close and can be flexible with each other. He has certainly given me "more" than what's been called for a number of times. Anyway, his asking me for this "favor", makes me feel closer to him and good about our relationship. That's part of what reciprocity is--you do me a favor, I'll do one for you. There are a number of aspects of our relationship that contain reciprocity and that is of great value to me. I understand that other people value other aspects more.

Anyway, I can see how what you experienced was hard, Lauren. I also think your therapist had expectations that the two of you were close enough that he could ask for this favor and have you accommodate him. But you were upset. So he will know now in the future to keep things "by the book". Sometimes it is hard to have unequal expectations in a relationship and I think what you and he experienced was an example of that. I think your T was very awkward in how he handled this on the phone with you. It sounds like he was trying to tell you that he understands that his taking a phone call is unacceptable to you and will not do it in the future, that he is respecting the boundaries you are establishing for the relationship. But from your description he did sound a bit put out, and like he was trying to make it about you ("my other clients let me take calls..."). I think he was defensive, but I also think he's going to be careful to treat you like you want to be treated in the future, and maybe more sensitive to how his in session calls could affect clients.

You did a great job being very direct, expressing your anger, and telling him what was wrong. Do you need to talk about this more or would it just be covering the same ground? It almost sounds like you are looking forward to "punishing" your T for this by returning to it at your next session. Are you looking for a different sort of acknowledgement from him, perhaps a more sincere apology? But he did apologize on the phone. Do you want him to say "I was wrong Lauren, please forgive me"? Do you want to make him grovel? What are you looking for, Lauren? Sometimes I repeat things in therapy and my T says, you already said that. I can get in a loop and T can help me get out by indicating he understands what I have said, that he has heard me. (So I don't need to say it again!) Please don't think I'm trying to minimize your situation. If you need to talk about this some more in session, then you do.