You are really funny. I love people who have the balls to do stuff like that. Way to go. I'm going to think of that whenever I hear about that school's team now.

You bring up a really good point about why do we keep going back to people even if they're really not helping us? This is something I struggle with a lot, especially with doctors or health care providers. And especially, especially with therapists and the one I just left. Why did I keep going so long if I wasn't seeing any improvement? Keep beating myself up over and over and over for that one & trying to figure it all out.

Besides not having prior experiences to base it on, I think I'm just a stupid sucker for anyone who is nice to me. Sometimes I'm too caught up in all my crap to notice what someone is/isn't doing for me. And something I'm really, really trying to correct and get better about is being too concerned with other people's feelings instead of mine.

Yet I still get caught in the trap and not knowing if it's me or them. Am I even helpable or not? It's really hard too when your psychological ailments manifest or create physiological ones. And if I can't tell if I'm real or not, how do I know if my sore throat is real or not? I usually don't go to the doctor unless something is gushing blood or something or unless my boyfriend makes me. But one time I felt like I had a sore throat and since I can't tell if I'm real or not, didn't know if my sore throat was real or not. So I went to the doctor in secret wondering if he could tell me if the sore throat was real or not. Isn't that nuts?

Mmm... & part of it probably has to do with being scared of what they'll do to me if I decided to quit or stop seeing them or seeking their care. Like they'll seek retaliation or revenge against me. Know where that comes from.