I have wondered for years why even when I get qualified help to raise my self-esteem/self-confidence, I will do well for a little while and then quickly sink back to the usual low. I'm realizing I don't have a strong foundation for my self-esteem to sit on in the first place. How to fix that, I really don't know. But I seem to be a sponge for everyone else's opinions of me, good or bad, so that I don't have a stable view of myself. I often forget that everyone's perceptions are just that - their perceptions. One person can think I am lazy, another person actually sees all the work I do and can be floored at how hard I work, and I will take in both of these and be royally emotionally injured by being seen as lazy and conflicted because someone else thinks I work hard. I don't know how to block external information that may be wrong, skewed, or abusive. I also have trouble holding onto peoples' positive opinions of me for a long period of time.

All of this gets worse if I feel like I'm not currently doing well in life. Then any criticism, constructive or not, hurts me deeply and for a very long time.

I needed to get it out there, and I'm also just lost on how to heal this. I made a list of my more concrete, positive traits awhile ago and am thinking if I put it where I can review it every day, maybe things would solidify on the inside that I AM a person worthy of feeling good about myself every day.