I lack a strong foundation

I have wondered for years why even when I get qualified help to raise my self-esteem/self-confidence, I will do well for a little while and then quickly sink back to the usual low. I'm realizing I don't have a strong foundation for my self-esteem to sit on in the first place. How to fix that, I really don't know. But I seem to be a sponge for everyone else's opinions of me, good or bad, so that I don't have a stable view of myself. I often forget that everyone's perceptions are just that - their perceptions. One person can think I am lazy, another person actually sees all the work I do and can be floored at how hard I work, and I will take in both of these and be royally emotionally injured by being seen as lazy and conflicted because someone else thinks I work hard. I don't know how to block external information that may be wrong, skewed, or abusive. I also have trouble holding onto peoples' positive opinions of me for a long period of time.

All of this gets worse if I feel like I'm not currently doing well in life. Then any criticism, constructive or not, hurts me deeply and for a very long time.

I needed to get it out there, and I'm also just lost on how to heal this. I made a list of my more concrete, positive traits awhile ago and am thinking if I put it where I can review it every day, maybe things would solidify on the inside that I AM a person worthy of feeling good about myself every day.

Hi Salix, you have a lot of words of wisdom here and you have figured a lot of stuff out. Have you ever heard of healthy personal boundaries?

Also, do you understand why your self-esteem was low in the first place or what caused it rather? Once I understood this about myself I was able to increase my self-worth for good. If you don't understand what started it all, these memories continue to send you messages of how worthless you are.

It took me finding a job, I loved, to really bloom, and no longer care what others thought of me, just that I believe I am well rounded and a good person. You mention you are a hard worker, and that you may not have reached your potential in life, perhaps can you advance and follow your dreams and do something you love? My dreams are coming true, now, and it was someone who encouraged me a little, like I am you

decide that your life will have value... decide that in-value is outweighed by value and value is something to possess while in-value is, well, less valuable..

choose what your values are... what is it that you believe makes a person valuable? do you know others who seem valuable? what is it about them that you find valuable?

look for those traits in yourself.. perhaps for some of us our first examination reveals that we are nothing like what those people we assign value to are like..

this is the the moment we gently and lovingly tell ourselves about growth...

all beauty comes from seed.... so, we find we are not all that we want to be.. what is our choice? well, believe you can grow.. that should get you started and then study what those others are doing that you find so attractive... let yourself grow those traits.. emulate these people if it helps.. they obviously know something you would like to know... hopefully they are the friendly type and will make learning easy and fun for you.. this is where the friendship can happen.... you could develop this type of relationship with a therapist also .... hopefully all signs lead you into the places you want to go.. knowing where you want to go makes the trip lots shorter...

you could decide for yourself your entire future emotional state... that makes the career concerns less bothersome because you've already decided you will have joy no matter what enterprise you choose, you could decide you will be happy and free ... and you can have all that... by being kind to ourselves and others our dreams become much more reachable.... i hope this helps some.. sending caring hugs..

Thank You so very much for your response.
Holmes

I thoroughly understand lacking the strong foundation... Life can be a challenge when we have not learned the skills that we need to propel ourselves forward in life. Self esteem is obviously the key. How do we begin rebuilding it is the question of the day... Positive thoughts seems to be something that I personally lack... I'm sure it begins there...infusing my mind with positive thoughts....resulting in positive actions on my part...one baby step at a time...

Wishing you well on learning what those positive thoughts and positive actions are for you!

TJ