I won't even pretend to know all what you've gone through, but I know it's horrible. Something no one, no one at all should ever have to go through. It may seem like you were born for him to hurt, but you have a greater purpose. You were hurt so incredibly bad and still you persist. What an impression you leave on everyone--so so kind, so caring, give some of that back to yourself. Maybe your purpose in life is to show others how to deal with pain through your dealing, maybe your purpose is to bring joy to your now-family, maybe your purpose has yet to be revealed, but your purpose is not so you could be hurt. Whatever may have happened in your life, dear man, please do not think you are bad or stupid or a failure. Just by being alive, you have proven that statement wrong. Be gentle on yourself.