Hi Ryan --

Did you rush into my memory cells during the night and steal some of my depression tapes? Your message was like reading my own thoughts.

I do think it's important to remember that a lot of this is stinkin' thinkin, the distorted thoughts of our disease that tortures us.

Second, I agree with Pat about the ferrets. I had 2 dogs when my world came crashing down. I was involved with obedience training and the Airedale club. The dale was taken in by the founder of the club and went to live at at her estate, called "Airedale Acres." These are people who could afford to keep their last beloved pet on cancer drugs so he could eke an extra couple of months of life out. I could never give him the life he has now. My other dog had a bad problem of chewing doorframes during thunder storms -- a real problem that had to be disclosed. But friends of my X in New Mexico where there aren't the big storms of FL took her in. They were so pleased when I delivered her -- cooing over her like I'd just brought them my firstborn.

You bet I cried. But I know to this day that I made the right choice. It's a struggle to take care of myself, no less give them the exercise and attention they deserve.

Some people told me that I should not get rid of my dogs. But dogs are different critters from cats. A student just gave a speech on sugar gliders, and he advised people not to get one if they can't give it plenty of attention. If you know the ferrets need more than you give, I'm with Pat on finding them loving homes.

As for the gf, only you know what's best. It would be too much "in my face" to live with someone whom I loved who'd "moved on." The place where my life fell apart is the next county, which I know as well as my warts. Every time I go there, it's like a punch in the stomach. Going to the same old places where we lived for nearly 15 years is just too much of the memories "in my face." So I couldn't do it -- I'd want the gf out of my life so I could heal.

But that's me.

I feel for you Ryan.

(((((((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))))))))