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*************** POSSIBLE HIGH TRIGGER REGARDING LOSS BY SUICIDE ***************
One of my best friends committed suicide in my therapist office last week. The day this happened. He actually went in for a session, and at the end of session the therapist got up to open the door and see him out and he refused to leave, then pulled out a gun. she tried to talk him in putting it away for a minute or two, then ran out as fast as she could to call 911. My friend proceeded to barricade himself in the office. Police, SWAT and crisis intervention crews where called in. They tried to negotiate with him for about 3 hours to to come out. (I can't imagine the agony he was in during this time) He was described as being either extremely angry or very calm, and kept demanding for the T. to come back in the room. According to police, he was planning to kill her too. he finally just shot himself in the chest and died on the scene.
This is the most tragic thing I've had happen to me I can remember in a very long time. I know he was off his meds, but none of us saw this coming. He had defintely planned it out for that day because he dropped a packet of final instructions at a friends office before he went to his therapy session. I also know he had told me he was very fond of her and even felt protective of her as well.
In his final note to all his friends he said he tried to find a way to stay in life that made sense, some way that had some actual real integrity. He said he couldn't and didn't really know how we all manage to do it.
part of me is really mad at him and then really sad. I'm also feeling sad for my T. because she is shock over it and is really hurting. She told me I don't need to try and help her, she will do that on her own. But I can't help it. Its such an horrible event to go through and to have a client do it in your office. she's such a kind woman, and very compassionate too. But sometimes I'm angry at her too for how come she couldn't see it coming and do something to help him. Or if she helped cause it in someway. My rational mind knows she didn't, he was just severely disturbed but wouldn't open up about it, at least not to us. She says she didn’t see it coming either.
Another good friend of his said she was angry with the Therapist for the some things she had said to him therapy. I asked how she know, and she said, "because he told me about it".
We are in communication with each other and I'm trying to figure out if I should see a new T. to process. She says she can handle it with me, and if she feels she can't she'll refer me. I know her that she
always wants to be strong but I feel this a big game changer here. It’s so hard because my friend and i were close and he had referred me to his T. My T. and I had developed a very close thereaputic relationship over the past 2 years. It's all very complicated and intensely emotional.
My T. is now so distraught that she has cancelled all her appts. Over the next couple of weeks. when I spoke with her yesterday she was crying on the phone and had called another therapist for me to see. I think she is also heart broken she can't be there for me because she knows how much I'm suffering over it. These are very complicated emotions to understand. It will take time, but I feel our relationship is strong enough that when things stabilize for her we'll work through it. At least that is my hope. She has told we can work through it but right now she needs to do her own healing for awhile.
I'm currently seeing my Psychiatrist to keep emotionally stabilized.
I will say this tragedy has brought me closer to my friends and made me realize how deeply I care about them.
Please post any thoughts you think might help me understand or how to deal with my Therapist now.
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