nothing makes sense with her lately. i dont know why i put myself through it. thats not true i do. she was a very loving person i just dont know where that person went. she has allot going in her life and one of the things she told me tonight is that she has to deal with her family problems right now. she needs to work on her, i need to work on me. makes sense but i just dont get why we cant help eachother out. i cant even mention missing her or how im having a hard time without her, she tells me i dont want to talk about us. change the subject. so why talk to me at all, i dont get it. im kinda shutting down now, im not goin through anymore panic/anxiety. ive had enough. im goin out for a lil bit i cant sit here and think. just not gonna do it. today was the second day i woke up without having an anxiety attack, keep trying to focus on that, but ive also felt kinda numb. if i can learn to control the attacks and not feel numb that would be great. i will get there, this will not consume me. i will not allow it. im putting dr jekyl away for a while and bringing out mr hyde, im gonna forget about this for a couple hours and try to have some fun.