Lenny,

I am working on resolving the care for this young man. The biggest part to get past for me is losing the friendship. We could talk, debate, have fun, laugh, and most of all, he accepted ME for ME, warts and all. Hubby cannot do that, but then we have a much different relationship. He cannot let go of the past, and he is currently reading a book called How to get the woman you want into bed, Complete with highlighter. I agreed that he could have his turn, but it seems to me that this is more than that, that something deeper within him is going on. He will not seek help for himself, and he is perfectly happy not to do conjoint just so he can go out and get it on. We went out last night, he said to have fun together, and I made a comment on a man with long hair, and since hubby was drunk, he started in on me about making fun of his hair, which I do not do. He is balding on top with long hair in the back.....So we went home...silence the whole way, then I thanked him for taking me out, but he started 'Ya know, you are the reason for my bad self-esteem'. I nipped it in the bud and went to my room. Later, since I planned to try this earlier in the evening, I went into his room, undressed and woke him, and of course he took me...I felt nothing....for the first time in 15 years, nothing. I went to sleep in my own room. He came in later and starting kissing me, but I stayed "asleep". He is hurting me, does not care, and is selfish. This morning he is all sullen again, says he has issues to work through, blah blah..........We are supposed to go to a birthday party of a 22 year old waitress he has his eye on. I like her, and she likes me. but I am afraid to go because I fear he will get drunk and start on me. My former live-in of 10 years beat me the worst when he was drunk. This is a trigger for me. We have a sitter coming, but I dont want to go, and I am afraid to tell him. Sorry for the long random post. I just feel dead and sad, and cannot speak up for myself with him.......EEEEEEEK