Quote:
Originally Posted by cantstopcrying
First off, welcome to pc. I think it's great that you've come here for support. You will find a lot of support and information here. We do have a relationship and communication chat on a regular basis (check the calendar) above. I am so sorry you're going through all these emotions at one time in very quick succession. You're right, you need to get him to define "girlfriend." Does he mean a friend that is a girl, or someone he wants to be with; and is his idea of a girlfriend exclusive? For so many years I played the "doormat" I thought about having it tatooed on my forehead. It got to the point where I felt like a puppy waiting for scraps from the table. I was worth more than that and so are you. So are you!!! The best way to talk to him is in person, in a non-confrontational, non-emotional way. Be honest with him by saying that you enjoy having him as a boyfriend and since you've been seeing each other, you haven't been on the dating website and are wondering if he has. If he says he has, ask him why and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he says he isn't interested in an exclusive bf/gf relationship, ask him why and tell him that you are. It's ok to do that. 2 things to keep in mind, though: you've only known each other two months; if he says no to seeing other exclusively and you aren't comfortable with that, let him know that for your health, both physical and emotional, you won't engage in sex; if he's ok with that, take the time to get to get to know each other without limiting yourself to just him. Secondly, regardless of the outcome, remember you ARE beautiful, you ARE desireable.  |
Hi Cantstopcrying,
Thank you so much for the welcome and your reply!
At the very start, he did mention that he wanted to take things slow, as he was just in a long relationship, but has been single for 4 months. I agreed i wanted to take things slow (i know! even tho the sex stuff was quick. stupid). But this is beyond a joke. See him barely once a week?
He said all the right things. i was upfront with him saying ive never had a relationship before, and he was fine with it, and asked to be 'my first bf'. im terrified that all the things he has said were lies and just talk and i've falled for them and thought he was a great guy when infact he's a jerk. He told me he only has had 2 girlfriends (he's 26). I probably shouldn't have, but assumed in a way, it meant he wasn't a 'player'.
You can be girlfriend/boyfriend but take it 'slow' cant you? See what does 'slow' mean?
There are days with out contact. I dont know if thats just due to him not having phone credit. For the 1st month, he had, and we were in touch all the time. Then the 2nd, he was out, so it wasn't as much.
My problem now is, trying to get hold of him to see him in person. I know now that i have taken thigns he has said online and in text messages far to litterarlly. I think i believed in him and what he has said too much. Last time i saw him was saturday, and as we left, there were many kisses, touching, and he said to call or sms. he doesn't pick up his damn phone. if he doesn't want me to call, why say it?
Is he just playing hard to get by 'disapearing' for a few days? Is he just a jerk whos probably using me? or is there a chance he is scared that he feels to much for me and is backing off as hes scared?
I fell in to quickly - as mentioned before i think coz it was the first guy to show any attention to me that way. All the feelings and thoughts just got on top of me. I hate feeling regret. Its not that i regret loosing it, i didn't really have any issues with the virginity thing, but im starting to regret that it was him and the way it happened.
I hate the fact that i seem to be the one who's always contacting him. Ive helped him soooo much in areas he was having problems in.
Should i drop the contact and wait for him to contact me? Or should i keep contacting him to try to find a day to catch up so i can tell him how i feel?
thanks again for your reply. I might try the relationship chat. Ive spoken to a friend but she only tells me to stop worrying. im being paranoid and that he sounds like a nice guy and wouldn't do this to you. I haven't mentioned about the sex stuff to her, and i think that is a huge reason im feeling like this.
A friend recently said its about time he starts treating me right. Lately, ok he may not be aware of it, but im constantly feeling like S**T, and its coz of him. right now my life sucks. i hate that i have given him this power over how i feel all the time.