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why does it always seem to come on days when you think you are getting through to something meaningful and then it all goes to hell in a handbasket? i'm so mad at our mom that i want nothing further to do with her. she thinks that looks are everything, and we just have had it with her sanctimonious diatribes. who the hell does she think she is, trying to impose on our daughter something that she doesn't think we are? the mom has ALWAYS been super-critical about our looks...our hair is too thin so why don't we wear a wig, our body is too fat so why don't we go on a diet, we have teeth missing so why don't we get our mouth fixed SO OUR DAUGHTER WON'T BE EMBARRASSED BY OUR LOOKS, and on and on and on. we have had enough of her. long ago she and dad adopted us, but within the first 5 years had shown us an ugly side and that is why we came in the first place--to protect the host from her physical and emotional/psychological abuse. keeping us in a confined area for literally HOURs at a time, never playing with us, never showing us kindness, but always showing her temper and her displeasure. promises to do better through the years always proved to be just empty words, and at the tender age of 14 told us that if we got pregnant, she would disown us in a heartbeat and would have no further contact with us. Then she accused us of trying to break up their marriage when we were 15, even though she was warped beyond reason, taking drugs and then throwing us into the state hospital because we were "uncontrollable". **** HER. then when we got out, we weren't about to take the pills that were prescribed, because we weren't crazy, and we hated the way it made some of us feel. so she decided that she was going to take them...talk about a sick *****. now she accuses us of not loving her because we don't go to see her more often...but she lives 3 hours away in a different state, and we don't have a car, and taking the bus is too difficult for us. she accuses us of not loving her, but that isn't it. we love her, we just don't like her. and so we told her so today. she tried the guilt trip on us and it didn't work, so she just hung up on us. well, that is it. we are done with her. for good. if that is how she is going to treat us, we don't need the ****ing abuse any more. she is such a hypocrite, saying one thing in private and then pretending to care when she is around others. big whoop there. and by now we are certain she has told everyone in the family just how awful we have been to her today. she needs to get a life. one thing is for certain. we won't be seeing her anytime soon, or talking to her anytime soon. right now we don't even care if she dies. we won't be there. we won't subject our host to that kind of guilt and fear. i'm pissed that she tried throwing bible verses at us as if that was going to make us conform to her standards of how we should act toward her. she wants to alienate us from her, that is fine. we don't need her pittance of being in her will. let her give it all to her son. she can't say enough about the fact that we don't talk to him enough either. how we got into that kind of abuse i will never figure out. don't even want to know. right now we are trying like hell to keep the host from taking a whole bunch of pills, and going into the hospital. we don't think she would come out if she went in. it would be the end for her. so, think about us as we struggle to come to grips with the fact that we have a ***** who won't leave us alone, but who because of her insecurities has to subject us to them also. LEAH
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True love exists when we lose ourselves to invest in the care of others.
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