Hi Wendy

Gram's getting stronger and mentally she's very alert.. more than Ive seen her in awhile (maybe fear has motivated her?). She still struggles to speak and eating soft foods... No indication of when she's coming home. Starting to walk under her own power better.. thanks for the prayers I'll tell her. You're a special one Wendy

Offhand, I don't recall specifically my answer to the questions. I need to go back and find them and print them, but what you've said on three definately fits into my observation. I don't recall suppressing my feelings so much to my dad or step-mom except that I hated my step mom and knew I couldn't tell her that. I tried to get along with her, but there was just no way. She had a chip on her shoulder and I was her vent. My relationship with her is what motivated me to leave my dad and live with y mom at 14. During the next year, my life turned around completely. Mostly at first my dominant feelings were fear and confusion. I remeber anger became a part of the dragon later, when I was 18 or older. Anger that I couldn't figure out what was happening to me, why I felt so disconnected from everything. The conflicts you mentioned were all a part of the process. The need to hide. Wanting to be as I was before. Not liking who I'd become. Not feeling normal. I always hoped the answers were just around the corner, but they eluded me for a long, long time.

The answer to #4 is a recent insight for me. First I had to understand what the dragon was about. Then I could see what he wanted. I had stop denying and hating him. I had to accept his pain. I had to listen to him. He kept on saying how he'd been hurt. Over and over and over in the same ways, but I'd never listened. I realize now what I'd tried to do was ignore the pain and thought if I just topped it off with newer, more healthy ideas, the pain would go away. But it doesn't At least it didn't for me.

Depression is like rust on an old car. You can put fresh paint on it year after year, but the rust will always work back to the surface. All the paint in the world won't stop the rust. All the books I'd read, meditation I'd done, thought training didn't work because the rust was still there.

The dragon is the pain, telling me I need to resand the surface, fix the rust spots, and then repaint. The dragon wants to be heard. Until I listen, he will howl louder and louder each time. The dragon is telling me I've run, I've hid, I've missed the point, I've done everything I can to avoid paying attention to the true problem.

I don't want to push anyone on anything, but I believe the Socrates Method is implemented well in this forum. In chat, we'd give quick answers. The more considered answer, the better. It's actually more perfect in this setting than chat. You'd have time to develop your answer. Personally, I'd like to try it if anyone else would. I like it better than the role playing idea.

Hugs to everyone

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius