Quote:
Originally Posted by turquoisesea
I've had trouble even listening to music lately. I finally am able to listen to cello specific music again without feeling intense pain. Even enjoying bits of it.
But I'm still not sure I really want to go back to play after everything that's happened with me, and with music school.
I knew I loved the cello... that it's what I wanted to do.
But now I feel like the chance is wrested from me.
And that maybe it's not right after all. Music jobs can be pretty horrible.
Maybe computer stuff - at least there's money in that? Switch my major. Wish I could have played. For the rest of my life.
But also... do my homework and be done. Study, know the stuff and be done.
Lose lose situation.
I dunno.
I'm just really down.
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Wow, I think I would find anyone that had the same sort of feelings toward their instrument. I used to play guitar ALL THE TIME, was even in a church band, and everything just fell apart. Since then Ive become so full of hate, so angry at everything that happened, that I never play guitar anymore. God, how I wish I had never joined that band, or left before I became so bitter. At least I would still have my electric in my life, the one thing that ever made me feel whole.
My aspiration was to become a session musician, but now I dont wanna do anything, I just want to die.