I, too, often feel like a hypocrite. Your post sounds a lot like what I am going through at the moment, so I can understand! Dealing with inner turmoil is a difficult process.

My T has been having me do art and write A LOT! It really does help, believe it or not. With the art you just draw whatever you want in whatever colors you want at that moment in time. If you have a T, take it to them, they can make sense of it when you may not be able to. For the writing, just getting your thoughts out of your mind on a daily basis is extremely helpful. I have discovered feeling and thoughts that I didn't know were even there. It, also, helps to make sense of feelings when it doesn't seem there is any meaning or reason for it.

I hope you get some relief soon! I know what it feels like to have it be "just too hard". Just keep trudging along, you can do this!