Oh Greenindentity...you are not in any way a bad person....I am so sorry if I lead you to feel this...

We can Love unconditionally and institute Loving boundaires...This may seem like the proverbial paradox and in some ways it is...

I will ty to explain by using a personal issue...

One of my sons is deeply entrenched in his addiction. I Love him with all my heart. I make no efforts to control him or his disease. They are both out of my control. But I do listen to him and respond when asked with advice and counsel. In my life I do the "next right thing" and act as a lighthouse for him in displaying that there is a way around the rocks,,if he chooses to steer that way...

But,,,and this is important...I do not tolerate speaking to him when he is drunk,,I will not mitigate any circumstance or situation resulting from his drinking, nor will I ever encourage him to think that my unconditioanl Love for him is an expression of my acceptance of his behavior. I love him and always will because he is a wonderfull human being with incredible potential. He is compassionate and kind. He has flaws but is not flawed. He suffers terribly with a disease of obsession and compulsion which, at present, is killing him. I Love him no more or less because of "it". I just do.

But my boundaires are for me to maintain a healthy foundation unencumbered by his chaos. Like the flight attendent instructs,,,"before helping anyone with their oxygen mask,,put yours on first". I do.

You can Love your boyfriend completely without condition green,,,the Love has no conditions. But your place in his life does. He needs to change,,,for him,,not you. Let him know that you will Love him,,no matter what,,but your place in his life is subject to how he manages his...

IMHO.

With Care,

Lenny