Fair enough, it sounds like you've thought it through. You mentioned that you have a son. If his father were some sort of monster, whether he was an abuser or just a regular run of the mill *** that would have nothing to do with the child, would you tell him would you allow him to experience that grief just in the name of full disclosure?

I guess that we have a different definition of parents. To me, just being able to perform the sexual act and be fertile does not qualify you to be a parent. The terms: parent, father, and mother need to be earned.

I do hope that you find the answers you seek and they give you some sort of peace. Good luck on your quest.