It is very ok to feel the feelings, but sometimes it needs to be done in safety--like with your T. I don't know how old Kay is. Sometimes a little needs to be their safe place inside until there is a person on the outside who can walk thru the feelings with them.

Distractions are often very helpful with the little ones. Coloring, watching a kid show on TV, taking walk and pointing out things that are on the outside--that things are safe and calm and no one is going to hurt them.

For awhile we had to keep all bedroom and closet doors open. Had to check under beds, closets, behind the sofa, keep curtains closed etc. until willow was sure that "mommy" wasn't going to come out of somewhere. We told her that one of our dogs, Missy, would never let her mommy near her. When Missy died last summer, we went thru a bout again, but, now Noah is her "protector". He seems to know when she is front and licks her (he is not a licky type of dog--only licks her).

Find a way to relieve her fears on the outside. At some point perhaps someone will step up to be the one to care for the littles. Vicki is ours and she does a great job.