is this really real?

i am having this overwhelming fear today. i know who it is coming from and I don't know what to do to comfort her. it seems that no matter what I do the fear stays persistant. sometimes i think i can just will this disorder away. i want to deny it even exist. i just want to say that i made this whole thing up and that i am a horrible person for doing so. i just want to scream at the top of my lungs "IT IS NOT REAL!!!!!!! I AM MAKING UP EVERYTHING!!!"

i just want to be normal (or at least not have to deal with so much). will this get better soon?

Dear Poohbear,

I know it is difficult to try to comfort someone who lives in a vast amount of fear. I also know that no matter what you may do, sometimes the most just isn't enough to get through. As you get into therapy more deeply, and discover why she is so afraid, you can begin to work with her, with your Ts, to help her see that there is nothing she has to be afraid of now. When you deal with her, try to reassure her that there is nothing that will hurt her ever again, and that she doesn't need to be afraid. Keep reminding her that she is safe, and let her hear it over and over and over again. It may seem simple to get through to her, but there are layers that keep her fearful when there is nothing to be fearful about. It WILL get better, I promise. Yahna is much less fearful today because she is willing to hear what the fear is all about, but it took her years to get it through her head. Of course, it didn't help that she has been through a huge loss when her T left for other directions in her life. But what I am trying to say is this: let yourself feel the fear, and realize that it isn't going to hurt you. Stay strong with going to your Ts every time you are scheduled, and keep bringing up things that happen to you during your T time. As I see you unfold, I think you have come a great way already, and know that you WILL come out stronger, healthier, and freer than you think you can be.

Crys of Jewels

I know what you mean when you say you want to tell ppl that this is not real. I have the same wish. but unfortunately it is all to real. like Crys said above just keep telling her that she is safe and that no one can hurt her. Reasurance is very important for some one who is afraid. And make sure that you talk to your T about it at the next visit.

Hugs if you want them.

Diana

We have someone on the inside that comforts the fearful and the hurting.
we also have friends on the outside that will sit with one who is afraid.
do you have anyone inside or outside that can help with this?
Ask this one what is comforting to her--a blanket, a stuffie, some hot chocolate or tea?

it took awhile for out lil Willow to not be so afraid. she is quite the little gabber and helper on the inside. she is 5-1/2.

it does get better. just keep up with Ts and be good to yourselves
the constellation

I have a stuffed dog named Chloe that I cling to very much and Kay seems to like that very much. I have some coloring books that I will bring out more often and I will try to do more things with her that bring her comfort. I don't really have anyone on the inside to comfort her. They are all pretty self absorbed right now.

I emailed my Ts about how I was feeling this is how they replied.

Ask the parts what they learned and noticed yesterday. This should normalize the emotions that are shifting. Then request that all parts return to their safe places until we meet on Tuesday.

I am working on getting Kay to lessen the fear but yesterday my T told her it was okay to feel the feelings so I am confused.

It is very ok to feel the feelings, but sometimes it needs to be done in safety--like with your T. I don't know how old Kay is. Sometimes a little needs to be their safe place inside until there is a person on the outside who can walk thru the feelings with them.

Distractions are often very helpful with the little ones. Coloring, watching a kid show on TV, taking walk and pointing out things that are on the outside--that things are safe and calm and no one is going to hurt them.

For awhile we had to keep all bedroom and closet doors open. Had to check under beds, closets, behind the sofa, keep curtains closed etc. until willow was sure that "mommy" wasn't going to come out of somewhere. We told her that one of our dogs, Missy, would never let her mommy near her. When Missy died last summer, we went thru a bout again, but, now Noah is her "protector". He seems to know when she is front and licks her (he is not a licky type of dog--only licks her).

Find a way to relieve her fears on the outside. At some point perhaps someone will step up to be the one to care for the littles. Vicki is ours and she does a great job.

((((((((( Poohbear13 ))))))))))

After reading your post and after listening to the 'tender responses', well..., it just set me to feeling very sad for you and it caused me to also wish for comfort for you.

It reminded me again, of the process, and how it is very important to have a safe place to put the scarry (or any other things/feelings) until you can get back together with your T. In the meantime cuddling with Chole, colouring, gazing at clouds is the very best thing to do. Maybe having some popcorn together, if she sits nicely so she doesn't choke.

It is really 'real' and it is not made up and there are reasons but right now all you have to do is rest and play knowing full well everything will be okay soon. Sometimes, in a really tender whisper voice, I say, outloud, shhhh shhh shhh, just like a caregiver might do for someone afraid. Oh, yea and I rock gently.

Hope you feel more calm soon.