Quote:
Originally Posted by kodiak2004
How can I get through this when I can't let go? My husband committed suicide two years ago, and I can't let go or get passed it. I was in another city with my daughters family giving support for my son in law, who had just lost his brother to suicide, when my husband did this. When I came home, I found him. So many questions, but never an answer. Never have closure. I don't know how to forgive and forget this selfish act. My family has been very supportive of me, including my son and daughter, and I know they have problems dealing with this sometimes, but they seem to be dealing with this better than I am. I don't know how. It's making me sick. I have reservations to go away for a few days, but that's not for a couple months. I've talked to my preacher, been to a therapist numerous times. But I'm so confused. I have to be strong for my kids. And the grandbabies, but what about me. I'm falling apart inside. My son said I was getting to be a bitter old woman. I don't want to be. I want to be the way I used to be. Nothing bothered me. I could let things go. I can't anymore. Why can't I let it go and move on?????????   |
I'm wondering if your grief is complicated by the trauma of your husband's suicide?
My father committed suicide on Halloween 1981. I can't say I didn't see it coming. My father was on a path of self-destruction for a long time. I was in severe shock for a long time, I felt completely lost. I felt shattered. I had a crisis of faith, and it caused me to go deeper in seeking a spiritual answer. I started to look into alternative therapies and paths. I read voraciously everything I could find looking for answers.
Looking back now, so many years later I can see it was a psychological and spiritual turning point for me. Eventually, I rediscovered my path--on which I'd always been walking.
I don't know if forgiveness is available to you yet. It is specific to your spiritual path.
Sending you kind thoughts of healing.
Forgiveness is a challenging spiritual practice. I had to settle for acceptance to start out with. Accepting that the unacceptable had happened and that it hurt--badly.