Feedback needed - would you ask relatives not to drink?

I'm going out to visit my brother in Calgary Easter weekend. It'll be my first time seeing him in at least 3 years (can't really remember when I was last out there).

This will be my first time visiting him while sober and I'm nervous. Both he and his wife drink daily although I wouldn't classify either of them as having an alcohol problem - they just enjoy a glass of wine with dinner.

The thing is, I'm still feeling really fragile after my last relapse and know it will be hard to be around alcohol. I'm thinking of asking my brother if he and his wife could not drink it, in front of me.

Part of me thinks this is my problem and it's up to me to cope with the situation and not impose my problem on them. But I'm really worried about feeling deprived and tempted to drink if I see them doing it.

Thoughts anyone?

Thanks.

--splitimage

hi i just got sober three weeks ago and started to go to meetings and i have ask my realitives not to drink around me i guess i just think you have to do what is right for you. good luck.

If it triggers you, ask them not to drink. If they really love you and know how much you struggle with alcohol, I'd hope they'd be willing to help out in any way they can...

Me, on the other hand - I can't get up the courage to ask my family to do something like that, but it's because they don't know I gave up drinking for that reason - they think I just quit due to med interactions and me not wanting to gain weight.

splitimage, jmo, but your statement about feeling fragile around drinking is enough reason for you to ask them.
It's not like you are asking them to do something outrageous or do it for any great length of time.

In Peace

Spiltimage this is a situation where you have to put yourself first, I am sure they will only be too happy to respond and respect your wishes.

I think you should ask them not to drink in front of you too.

Good luck and enjoy.

I agree you should ask them not to drink around you.. Thats not unreasonable..It won't kill them to quit for a day or two.. Be honest and tell them you are at a vulnerable stage in learning to control your own addiction..

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I think I'm going to talk to my brother about it when I call him tomorrow. (We talk every Sunday). I feel really nervous about asking because it's very clear that my brother doesn't understand addiction, and he's not comfortable talking about - same with my MH issues, but that's not my problem.

I don't know I guess I just feel weak for having to ask and impose on them, like I should be able to cope. But I know I'm really struggling right now and seeing them drink would just be too much for me.

--splitimage

splitimage, it is no sign of weakness to do what is the right thing for you...endangering yourself by not asking is not right.
Re your brother's refusal to understand? He doesn't have to, and you do not owe him any explanation.
Be firm that it's a problem with you, and you can always say you can't drink because of the meds you are on...and ask him to honor your request.

Jmo, but bottom line for me is this; if my own request would be scoffed at then I would cancel going.
Disappointment is a helluva lot better than dying inside...and that is exactly what would happen if you take up that first drink. You've worked very hard to get where you are--it it worth throwing it away because someone/anyone can't respect your request?
You are not asking them to eat worms, stay up all night, play cowboys and Indians...as a mature woman you are expressing your need for this to be done for you.
Please remember that you are worth it!

in Peace

In Peace