[maryjain lockhart]

All my adult life I have been addicted2something. 1st it was LSD, then alcohol, painkillers&benzos, cocaine, more painkillers&benzos, then it was meth, and finally heroin. Heroin was my best friend. I had nobody else who I could depend on except heroin. It was there when I was sad2lift me up&when I was happy there it was waiting in the wings4me2come back. Everyday, $200to$500down the drain on it. Never thought I needed help. Why? I wasn't getting sick or anything. Then one day I decided2stop. The withdrawals were AWFUL. I wanted2die, but instead, I got more heroin. Decided id just stay high all the time so thered be no withdrawals. Then I went2reno with fam. Actually snuck drugs on a plane so I could be high on vacation, too. But I ran out&this time the withdrawals were even worse. Got airlifted2the hospital. But I was so embarassed cuz my grandma was there&I didn't want her2b disappointed in me. So I said I didn't know what was wrong. They drug tested me&tried2get me2say something but I wouldnt&cuz I was an adult they couldn't tell my family. I was sick for6days, never got any better. Had2make an emergency flight home2hookup. But this time we were bringin grandma home2live with us&she knew something wasn't right, so I confessed. Told her the heroin was ruining my life.
A friend told me bout a clinic&I'm eternally grateful4that. I was afraid of the stigma associated with methadone but if I hadn't gone2get therapy I probably would've died. I cebrated my 4years clean date a few days ago&I decided2start tapering off the methadone, under the watch of the clinic md. Honestly, methadone saved my life. Its not as horrible as ppl make it out2b. Its a safe healthy way2get off opiates by filling the opiate receptors in the brain so u can't go use.. and if u did you'd have2do so much you'd most likely od.
If anybody has??s or wants2talk bout it, write back. I'm starting my eductaion as an addiction specialist&I love2help others or just be a good ear or shoulder4them.

[Perna]

Hi, maryjain, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). I have a methadone clinic just up the street from me, next door to my car repair place. I'm glad to hear it has helped you so well. How great to be starting education to help others, good luck to you with that! Is your grandmother still with you? I'm glad you confessed and got help.

[maryjain lockhart]

My grandma is 75and still doing well. We hang out a lot&honestly, she's my best friend. My mom&I don't get along but my grandma&I are a lot alike. She's my moms mother. My dads parents know bout my addiction2, but they're more of the denying type, who act like everythings great all the time. It bothers me cuz they don't want2talk about it but oh well. My clinic is nice&the staff is wonderful. Unfortunately, the RN who used2give us our meds was involved in a fatal car accident&we got a new guy. But the ppl there are like extended family. Its so nice2go somewhere where u know u won't be judged.

[Perna]

I'm so sorry to hear about your RN! I have a thing for dentists (my father was in the military and family and moved around but going to the dentist every 6 months was a constant) and remember when the one I was seeing before last decided to quit her practice and go back to school for advanced training. I knew her partner and liked her but loved my original dentist so it was very hard to feel both pleasure with having a dental appointment and sadness because "my" dentist was no longer there.

Congratulations, maryjain lockhart. You are an inspiration.

[maryjain lockhart]

Thank you Byzantine! Since I have been in recovery I have spoken2other addicts&shared my story with them&it was the addicts who said I should go into addiction therapy cuz I have been there, been addicted2just bout everything&somehow survived when I shouldn't have. Its cheesy but I think I mustve had an angel watching over me. There were so many times I shoulda OD'd or even died but I made it thru. Quitting meth&coke were difficult&it took a while but I did it without goin2detox or rehab. Thought I could do it with the heroin but it actually CHANGES the chemistry of the brain2become dependent. It causes a physical addiction on top of the chemical addiction. I've been told by some misinformed ppl that methadone would make my teeth fall out, cause me2become addicted2it, or it could make me even worse off, but honestly, I wouldn't recommend any other way2get off opiates. If ur going2a good clinic that has a good MD/NP/RN/addiction specialist/counselor(mine has ALL these) then u will be fine.
The1thing u can always say about an addict is that they have more drive than others. Being an addict is hard work. U have2get the$$to buy the drugs, find the drugs, use them, come down, feel ******&do it over again&again. Most ppl would just stop after a while, and give up. If every addict just used that same tenacity2stop using, it wouldn't be so hard.

[SophiaG]

I am very proud of you Maryjain

[paddym22]

Hey Maryjan

That is very inspiring and has given me a wonderful lift this evening. Thank you for sharing

Paddy