[splitimage]

I've been invited to my ex sponsor's 30'th medallion in a couple of weeks and I'm unsure whether or not to go. She's my ex sponsor because emotionally she's really messed up and wasn't able to support me in working the program. The thing is she doesn't have many friends and she kind of uses me as a therapist, because I know about MH and meds and stuff. I'm ok with it, because I do fundamentally think she's a nice person who can't afford professional therapy and I treat our conversations the way I treat callers on the support line I volunteer on.

Now my problem. I don't believe she's clean. I know she hasn't been drinking, but she has smoked pot frequently in the past and has abused both prescription and over the counter meds quite recently. I know in AA it's supposed to be just about alcohol and they aren't quite as strict about all drugs as NA. So this is just my personal opinion. If you're not drinking but are abusing drugs, you've simply switched one addiction for another and to me that's not sobriety.

Part of me wants to go, because I know it will make her happy, but part of me doesn't want to go because I think it's hypocritical to be accepting a medallion when you're not technically clean.

Opinions/thoughts?

--splitimage

[Christina86]

Sticky situation, man!

Well, congratulations are due to her for at least being able to kick one habit. Like anyone with an addiction you can switch addictions when you come clean from one... I don't want to overgeneralize, but it's pretty frequent that recovering alcoholics may take up smoking as another habit - after all, smoking kills you more slowly than alcoholism can!

It doesn't sound like a very good situation for YOU to be in though, being dragged back into their issues - even if you're going to a birthday for them. Don't do something to make someone else happy, do what makes YOU happy (as long as it's not a danger to yourself or others )

I think perhaps a happy medium would be to send a card for them, and apologize for being unable to attend their birthday but that you wish them well with the rest of their recovery journey.

We can't judge another person's issues because we're not them. Maybe in their case although they're abusing another substance they feel like they've got that better in check than they ever had when dealing with alcohol. Although seeing someone switch addictions is HARD to deal with -- very sad. (I am a hypocrite though since I've got a few addictive tendencies at any given time. But mine aren't exactly life endangering).

If YOU don't think it's sobriety and can't be comfortable with their switching addictions, then I'd advise not going. But I probably would send a card, just to "keep the peace" so to speak.

I have a friend in the program who loves - LOVES - to tell me that it's not my business. He actually has a story of someone he was working with years ago who had 2 months and then went to a meeting (after he had fired my friend as his sponsor) where no one knew him and picked up a two YEAR medallion! He was shocked. My friend talked to his sponsor about it and she just said "that's his business, not yours"

I guess I would say that the only person your friend is hurting is HERSELF. It's between her, her HP, and her sponsor if she is lying about her sobriety.

If you want to be there for her, go. If not, don't. But try not to let her sobriety or lack thereof get to you. We have enough to deal with worrying about our OWN sobriety, you know?