Supposed best friend issue

I couldn't decide if I wanted to post this issue here, but it keeps bothering me, so I thought I'd bounce it off you guys.

There's a girl who came in to the program just before me, and we hit it off and became fast best friends. Then she met a guy.....at first I was a little put off by this, and fearful, because all my girlfriends of the past have ended up ditching me the second a guy comes into the picture. I was also concerned about her program. We talked at lengths about things, and cleared the air, and I was honest about the fact that I didn't want to hang out with them as a couple because I was afraid I'd end up wanting that for myself, and because they do things that are expensive. For awhile it was fine, we talked on the phone all the time, hung out just us sometimes, she still went to a lot of meetings. She was going to Chicago over Labor Day weekend and I was gonna take her to the airport, but then the boyfriend did it. Since she got back, she never calls. I can't call her cell phone because it's still a long distance number, but I can text her. So she says, "text me anytime and I'll call you back!" Because she's never home anymore. But half the time when I text her, I don't hear from her, and I know she's with her boyfriend so I feel akward wanting to talk. And she rarely calls me! So I feel like, if she wanted to talk, she could call too. Why do I always have to be the one to call her? When she sees me at meetings, rare anymore, she only goes to the ones he goes to, she can hardly look me in the eye. And they've started working out all the time together. About a month before September 15, I told her what a rough day that was going to be for me, and that she was booked for that day, which she agreed to. So after the meeting on the 15th, she says she's going to work out. She called me that morning and left a message telling me to have a good day, and I talked about it in the meeting, so she knew what day it was. Another friend of mine was going to dinner with me, and we asked her if she wanted to go, but of course she had to go work out. I've done many a 4th step on this, and I know it's my fear that I'm loosing her. But at the same time, I just want her to leave me alone at meetings if she's not gonna be there for me as a best friend. I asked my sponser if I should talk to her about this and she asked me what my motives would be in talking to her about it. All I can come up with is that I've accepted the fact that relationships change best friend relationships. I want to move on. I don't feel like I have a best friend at the moment. I feel like I want to tell her that our "best friendship" is over, that she's just an acquaintance to me now. And I'm fine with that, but I want her to quit telling me to "text her anytime". So...whatever you got out of that....just need some experience strength and hope. Or tell me I'm being a bad person, whatever, haha!

Thanks,
Rayna

Just talk to her, Rayna. Tell her exactly how you're feeling and why you're feeling this way. Tell her you feel as though your bestfriend is no longer there for you as she once was. Explain things in a rational manner.

I'm going through something right now with my so called bestfriend that deals with jealousy and selfishness. It's hard to deal with it and I want to talk to her about it but she's completely shut me out and is ignoring me. So I can't talk to her. But your friend hasn't completely shut you out, it seems. So please try talking to her.

Oh, and also... Make sure you keep your recovery/sobriety FIRST. Do not let this friendship thing get in the way of your sobriety. I've seen it happen and it's happened to me. Please don't let it happen to you.

(((((((Rayna))))))))

Sometimes we have to think of ourselbves FIRST when things come up. Our sobriety is the first thing that must be in our lives. It may hurt to loose people we care about and love, but at what risk are we willing to keep them. At the risk of loosing our own sobriety? No, I think not. That is why we come first. Yes tell her how you feel and be open with her about it. Explain that you do not want to be tempted in any way and that your recovery is the most important thing in your life. If it is not first in your life, you will loose your life to it and the addiction will have won. Tough choices comes before us I know. But we must be strong and stand tall in our fight against our addiction.

Allan

Thanks guys. I'm realizing that honesty will be best in this situation. It's time for me to be a little selfish, and no longer be a "friend of convenience". My sobriety IS my number one priority, and this issue is taking up too much space in my brain. I had a really good talk about it tonight with another friend of mine. Now I'll do some praying for guidence on when to confront the issue and to use the right words to get my point across without being hurtful. That's primarily what I'm worried about.

~Rayna

Rayna, you're a sweet soul... I highly doubt you'll speak out of anger towards your friend and hurt her. Just be honest as its been said. It'll work out how it should.

ray, i don't see this as exclusively a sobriety issue. i also see it as a trust issue. you trusted her and she's proven to not be trustworthy. i'm so sorry about her not being who she presented herself to be. i've had friends, all my life, that drifted away when they met a man. for the life of me, i can't understand that. i've never done anything like that and never would. i will pray for you, as you work through this. my confidence in you says that you'll handle it correctly and then you can move on.....xoxoxopat